I'm all for 'clean' foods and home cooking, you know exactly what is going into your food and how to count the calories in your meal. The only problem is when someone else is doing the cooking. How do you show up to someone else's home and ask for an exact detailing of EVERYTHING they're putting in the food they're preparing? It's just rude.
How active are you? Can you answer this honestly, without padding it with extras you assume will constitute a higher activity level than you actually achieve? You might think that being a parent of an energetic pre-schooler would keep you active, but the sad truth is that it doesn't. What about all the washing, cleaning, cooking, laundry, and playtime? It doesn't account for much besides the average daily movement. You need to ACTIVELY increase your activity levels for it to make any difference to your estimated calorie intake. Doing active things that are part of your daily routine is normal. Otherwise, we could quantify every trip to the kitchen to make a drink or walk to the bathroom as part of our regular exercise. This is not the case. TDEE vs BMR The calorie calculator that I use on my weight loss journey is from the 5:2 Fast diet website. It's one of the better ones for accuracy and tweaking for activity, and weight down to 0...
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